why doug stays on the suck list

'cause, dude, you just can't recover from this...

so, last night, leah and i are at this restaurant (oh, and, by the way, we've moved to this really killer house on the m-streets. just happened. sorry about the no heads up.) and we RANDOMLY run into doug and some chick whose name i never caught. i don't know, she had an attitude and WAY too much curly blonde hair. anyways, we talked for a bit, but leah & i were headed out. so, they kind of followed us out to the front of the restaurant and doug announces that they're going to take all of our credit cards! wtf?! so, i gave doug a "look" and continued to walk, leah following suit. as soon as we're out the door of the place, though, the chick pulls out one of those tiny guns and holds it up to leah's head! of course, no one notices because of how it's too fucking busy and it's a tiny fit in your purse gun. doug didn't even look at her funny. just said, "sorry guys." so, we set down our purses on an outside table and rifle through for the credit cards. he was "nice" enough to let us do that, rather than just taking the whole purse. apparently, that's what they do normally, but he was having just a little guilt over the whole issue.

anyways, being that we now live just a few blocks away from the restaurant, we walked back home and doug and the chick just invite themselves to come along and hang out! W! T! F! i was too fucking pissed to talk at this point, but leah was trying to make like it was all normal and shit. so, we walk home and they follow us upstairs and we all sit around talking like nothing's fucking happening! after, i don't know, about 15 minutes of this, i lost it. i stood up and jumped on top of dear old doug on the couch and just started whaling on his face. my exact words were something like, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FUCKING DOING THIS, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! YOU 2 (pointing at leah) HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER, LIKE, FOREVER AND YOU'RE ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!" and i punctuated about every other word with my fist. doug and leah managed to restrain me long enough to point out that i was going to make this bizarre brain thing happen if i kept hitting the same place, so i stopped. i was still pretty worked up, so i don't have the details about the brain thing, but they seemed pretty insistent. whatever.

at this point, genius man and his bitch of a girlfriend (?) decided it might be a good time to take their leave of us. brilliant huh? we walked them downstairs (didn't want them stealing any more shit, did we?) and as they're walking out the door, i had a brain wave! "hey fucker! you know what i just thought of? every single person you know reads your blog and a lot of them know about ours! i'm gonna post this and everyone in your life is going to know about this fucking situation! ha!" at which point, he had the good sense to look at least a little perturbed before he turned around and walked off.

they, having parked just behind the afore mentioned restaurant, and me having followed them down the street with me berating, and leah having followed along behind still trying to pretend it's all normal, we suddenly found ourselves standing where they'd left the car. but guess what! someone had stolen it! HA!!!! and i said pretty much that. "HA!!!!" i was pretty thrilled, until bitch girl just let herself into someone else's car and hotwired it! doug the spinally-challenged just looked at my incredulity with a "what're you gonna do?" kind of face and got in. then they offerred us a ride back! fuck a whole lot of that shit. we let them drive off and went home to cancel all the cards the fuckers stole. the rest of the evening is pretty much a blur since i woke up at that point.

doug is so not getting a christmas present this year.