yay hell!

According to this quiz, supplied by my lovely and talented intern Erica, both Beth and I will be hanging out after death in Limbo, the first level of hell, with a bunch of philosophers and possibly that bad limbo song they always play at parties and stuff.

Also of note, while I also scored high in lustfulness (Level 2) and being heretical (Level 6), Beth's other high score was in violence (Level 7) . . . despite only answering one of the violence questions "yes" or "true". Or so she claims. . . . (And, okay, she also got a high score in "repenting believers," but that's so less cool.)

because we like beer! (especially if it's fruity!)

Beer Trouble Shooting Guide

(leah and bethy officially apologize for the wonky html action. we tried to fix it and can't)

SYMPTOM	CAUSE	ACTION
Feet cold and wet.	Glass being held at incorrect angle.	Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
Feet warm and wet.	Improper bladder control.	Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
Beer unusually pale and tasteless.	Glass empty.	Get someone to buy you another beer.
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.	You have fallen over over backwards.	Have yourself leashed to the bar.
Mouth contains cigarette butts.	You have fallen over forwards.	See above.
Beer tasteless, front of you shirt is wet.	Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.	Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Floor blurred.	Your looking through bottom of empty glass.	Get someone to buy you another beer.
Floor moving.	You are being carried out.	Find out if you are being taken to another.
Room seems unusually dark.	Bar has closed.	Confirm home address with bartender.
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.	Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.	Cover mouth.
Everyone looks up to you and smiles.	You are dancing on the table.	Fall on somebody crushing-looking.
Beer is crystal clear.	It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up.	Punch him.
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.	You have been in a fight.	Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was with them.
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.	You've wandered into the wrong party.	See if they have free beer.
Your singing sounds distorted.	The beer is too weak.	Have more beer until your voice improves.
Don't remember the words to the song.	Beer is just right.	Play air guitar.

why one should beware speaking on behalf of one's pets

Beth (speaking for the kitten): 'Oh naked babyman, your legs are always open to me!'

magnetic poetry

Given the frequency with which we've had to drag Kitten down off the top of the fridge lately, we thought it was wise to go ahead and document the magnetic poetry that has accumulated over the last year.

The more graphic stuff, unfortunately, was sacrificed for the sake of decency before Jesse's wedding shower. Here are the highlights of what's left, with authoring noted via initials, if known (LW=Leah; BK=Beth; TH="Travis"; JB=John, Fortress visitor):

thick juggernaut
nude to my tongue
thine taut paragon of protuberance
doth manipulate my mound of beauty (LW, BK)

produce diamonds as though places suck

swim with luscious breast for him (TH)

languid love
like a ship
come in (LW)

lust is an ersatz breast
brazen priapism
sizzle purple for eternity (JB)

hell has languid hair

she floods wet from bare meat

chain you to the watching moon (LW)

a delirious mother
did two men in a
club by the sea
with a tiny apparatus

And the very sage advice:

never please when driving

Purity Test Update

Despite our best efforts in the "arena of impurities" (as Bethany has deemed it), us full-time inhabitants of the Fotress have somehow, in the last few months, become more pure.

Bethany: 69%
Leah: 66%
(Compare to August 29th.)

On the upside, at least I am still the dirtier whore.

Sloganpalooza

Men Can't Help Acting on Bethany

It's How Leah Is Done

---

Strangely dirty slogans courtesy of: http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

FIRE!!!!

heh. fire! much like butthead.

so, yes. we lit a fire! we are the almighty fire lighters! we require no foreknowledge of firelighting practices or techniques. we know of the starter logs and the tiny tiny flamethrowers! and we cause only minimal smoke damage with our lack of flue-opening. hereby, know all that we are as gods of firestarting!

travis, you should consider extra insurance.

We are as gods!

so, um, monday night, leah and i declared ourselves gods, and decreed various godhoods upon/amongst ourselves. so there. you can't have any. pblpbl.

leah: god of...
british things
cat sick
grammar
disappointments
non-god logic
purple
hair with criminal intent
irrationality
taking out the trash (only non-stinky - see below)


bethy: god of...
good sex
bad sex
changing the cat box
loading the dishwasher
spelling
shoes!
tea
god-logic

anya:god of...
pretty
thwopping

kitten: god of...
mischief
knocking shit over

travis: god of...
stinky things